The Adventures of Matt, Mello and Near
by XxX-Sad-Little-Black-Rose-XxX
Summary: This is NOT your typical parody of Death Note, imagine Matt, Mello and Near...AS GIRLS!


A kick-ass Oneshot with myself as Matt, my friend Kelsey as Near and my other friend Amelia as Mello and...the funniest thing is...Matt, Mello and Near...ARE GIRLS!!!! xDDDDD

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It was just another boring day; same ol' boring sun, same ol' boring birds and same ol' boring case. You are probably asking, who am I? my name is Matty Jeevas, I have long brown hair whitch I keep in a long ponytail, I have green eyes but, they're covered by goggles. Also, I'm wearing a red-and-black striped shirt with kick ass pants, boots and gloves!

I was just sitting there, playing "_Final Fantasy X-2"_ on the PS2...alone. "Matty! C'mon! We have to go and follow Ayame," Mello ordered.

That's Mello or her real name, Michelle Keehl, she's my best friend, she has blonde hair and beady-blue eyes like little blue marbles. she wore leather pants and a leather jacket, I couldn't tell if her shirt was leather or not, I never really looked...she's addicted to chocolate for some odd reason. I don't know why.

"C'mooooonnnnn, you know I don't like to go outside the house..." I whined annoyingly.

"Your going c'mon!!!!" she pulled my ponytail really hard.

"Ow...Ow...OWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWW OK, OK!!!!" I begged for mercy.

She smiled, "Ok, c'mon!" she said, biting a peice of chocolate bar.

I saved my game and sighed, sometimes...I hate Michelle .

We drove through the streets, looking for Ayame, it was booooorrrrrriiiiinnnnnnngggggg...but Mello halted the car a little too hard, causing me to hit my head on the window face first.

"Mello! What's your problem?" I asked.

She smirked, "Well, the brat is here too..." she said in an evil tone.

I sighed, she was referring to Near or her real name, Nadia River, she was Mello's **WORST** enemy. She had shoulder-length white hair and black eyes, she always wore white PJ's and liked playing with toys.

"Huh?" I asked, rubbing my head to make the pain go away.

"Well, Near's here too? Well, we'll beat her to Ayame!!!" she flored the car forward.

I flung back again, into the window...yes, Mello is violent..you don't wanna see her angry! Whoo! She'd kick your ass..well, anyway..while I was rubbing my head again, Mello was going over 50 miles an hour..and the speed limit was 20. I swear, if we get caught, I'm gonna hit Mello over the head with a PS3 controller.

We heard sirens behind us, two of them, Damn, where's a PS3 controller when you need it? "Uhhh, Mello..shouldn't we pull over?" I asked sheepishly.

Mello laughed, "NO!!! WE NEED TO BEAT NEAR!!!!" he yelled agressively.

That made me shut up, I didn't want to get on Mello's bad side right now.

But, Mello's mouth dropped...Near beat him to finding Ayame. He punched the steering wheel, causing the horn to break...now the focus was..we need to get rid of the cops.

Mello handed me a shotgun, "SHOOT!!!!" she yelled.

I shuddered, we are already in trouble, no need for us to be in bigger trouble! But, I did as she asked. I started shooting at the squad car in annoyance, "WHY DON'T YOU ALL GO TO HELL???" I screamed in a pissed off way.

They started shooting back, I squealed, put my body back into the car and put the gun next to me, Mello started snickering uncontrollably.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY???" I asked.

She pointed in front of us, I shireiked...it was a cliff out of town. We weren't gonna make it; but, Mello had another idea...she flored the brakes, causing the police oficers to fly by us and fall down into the cliff, they screamed and cried...but it was too late.

I could hear the squad cars crashing and exploding...killing all of the four men in there, I just wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

Mello sighed then growled, "WE NEED TO BEAT THAT DAMN BRAT!!!!" she yelled. I just sighed, at least we weren't dead, but I felt awful about the poilice officers' families.

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Late at night, I got up...I put my clothes on and I took the motorcycle keys...What Mello didn't know...that I was working for Near also, she was also my best friend...((A/N: Ummm yeah, this is **MY** storyline, I can do whatever the hell I want to do with it! -clears throat- carry on)) When I got there, I was greeted by Near herself...

"Hey Matty, your just in time...did you use the pop gun I asked you to?" she asked in a kind-voice.

"Yeah, but Near-chan...Mello-chan killed four police officers..." I said taking out my ponytail and putting it back up again.

Near didn't show any emotion, but if she did she would have a total shocked face, "Are you serious?" she asked.

I bowed, "Yes, it's true..." I responded.

Near sighed, "C'mon...come inside the HQ" she said walking towards the door.

Near completly trusts me, I've been working with her ever since Mello started working on the Kira case; we walked into a room with lots of TV's; "Ok, but, I'm glad you used that pop gun...It kind of worried me that Mello would figure out..." Near said picking up an action figure of Optimus Prime.

I sighed, "I'm glad she didn't notice too..." I said, in a tired kind of way.

Near looked at me, "Late night with the video games, huh?" she asked me.

I nodded, she really didn't care if I played video games...but whatever.

"Yeah, trying to beat a boss..." I yawned.

"OK, we'll get this over quick.." Near snapped out of her trance, and hugged her Optimus Prime close to her.

"I have assured my prediction is correct, I beleive that Raito Yagami is Kira," she explained carefully.

I understood it all, this Raito Yagami...he was friends with L and also became the new L after his death, but, Poor Lawliet...he didn't deserve to die.

"Well, Matty, were done here...come back tommorow night and I'll assign you to something"...I yawned, got up and bowed to her..."Arigatou, Nadia-chan..." I pulled out my keys and left the building.

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The next morning, I slept in; that didn't make Mello happy at all...so she decided to pour cold water on my head. I yelped and fell face first on the floor. Mello started snickering, I growled "Not funny..." I growled.

I wasn't hungry, but Mello was encouraging me to eat...oatmeal.

"C'mon I dare you!" she said pushing the bowl towards me and taking a bite of his chocolate.

"No, I'm not a dare-doer" I said, pushing it away from me.

"C'mon! Or, you won't get your precious _Final Fantasy X-2_ back!" he said holding up the case to my face.

My eyes became wide, Noooooo!!! My precious _Final Fantasy X-2_!!!!!! I sighed, and pulled the bowl under me..."I hate you, Mello" I said, and took a bite.

Ughhhh! It was horrible! It tasted of old gym socks and thorns!!!! I puked it back up, "WHO THE HELL MADE THIS???" I yelled, still throwing it up.

Mello snickered, "I did..." she smiled.

I wiped off my mouth, then that's when I flared. "MICHELLE KHEEL YOUR DEAD!!!!!" I snarled.

I started chasing her around the house, Mello was still snickering up a storm...I flared again, "MELLO!!!! COME HERE SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU!!!" I yelled.

I jumped into the air and tackled her, Mello was...laughing? I was confused, "Matty, you got to amit it was pretty funny" he said between laughs.

I smiled, I guess she was right, "Yeah, I guess your right, but Ugh! I have a nasty taste in my mouth!" I said in a disgutsting voice.

Mello smiled and pushed me off of her, "Then go into the bathroom and get it out," she explained pushing me towards the bathroom.

I smiled, I guess she was right, ...but I just figured something out, Never eat Mello's cooking.

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Mello and I decided to go to the bar, why? Cause were bored...Mello took the Motorcycle, well I took the car; We parked next to each other, I got of the car while Mello got off the bike. "Ok, ready?" I asked Mello. Mello wasn't into the whole 'let's get drunk and dance like a bitch on a hot day' thing.

"Yeah, Yeah" she said.

We walked in and headed straight for the bar, the bartender was eyeing me...he smiled and came over by us.

"So, what will it be? Beautiful...?" he asked.

"Bloody Mary, on the rocks..." I explained.

"And you?" he asked Mello.

"just a Carona" she said.

"Coming right up," he said, winking at me.

Ugh! He was like 50 years old!!! I couldn't date a 50-year-old! THAT WAS SICK!

Mello snickered, "You get the old ones" she teased me.

I growled, all of the older guys always hit on me...and I don't mean 20 to 30 year olds I mean 40 to 60 year olds; he came over and put the drinks by us.

He handed me his number, OK! THAT'S IT!!!! I curled up my fist and gave him a good sock in the face! Everyone looked at Mello and me; I smiled nervously, "He wanted to rape me," I said.

Then everyone went back to what they were doing.

After 5 or was it 10 Bloody Marys, I was drunk as if hell freezed over. "Mello, did you notice that...that mirror was there?" I asked, hiccuping.

"Yes, I did" she said in a 'your scary, go away' voice.

I giggled and smiled, then I saw my ponytail..."Hey Mello, play with my ponytail...his name is Mail!" I said putting my ponytail in her face.

Mello growled, "Ok that's it..time to go home..." she said picking me up.

I giggled some more, "If you were a guy and I was a guy; I would totally have sex with you" I said hiccuping once again.

That made Mello feel more uncomfortable than that chick was hitting on her in the gay bar we went in to on accident.

She threw me in the back of the car, put a bungee cord to the motorcycle, and we drove off. Well, I didn't notice we were driving cause I was throwing up outside the window.

Mello rolled her eyes and sighed, "Stop getting drunk"

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xDDDDDDDD So I hoped you enjoyed that!

Amelia-Michelle Keehl aka Mello

Kelsey-Naia River aka Near

XxKiss-my-eyes-Mail-JeevasxX-Matty Jeevas

Well, I did this out of pure boredum...but, I have friends that are Mello and Near...I'm Matt of course .

So you all know what to do...

R

E

V

E

I

W

or DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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